Restricting | itisreal's Blog

Restricting my food intake lately seems to be IMPOSSIBLE since I work around food. So much food goes down the waste disposal everyday and sometimes I just get so hungry, and it's going to waste, so I eat it. We all do it at work ( though if caught we would get sacked) but when cakes or fruit or the chips especially get put down by me to go in the waste disposal I eat them. More than that, it must look like I'm romancing the food or something. One girl made a comment today, as I was eating a shortbread going to waste, saying:
"Bloody hell, your gonna be 20 stone soon eating all this!"
Now, bear in mind for someone my frame to be 20 stone, is morbidly obese, am I really THAT fat?! It's made me soooo paranoid now bearing in mind I already thought I was big but not THAT big! Then the sad reality is, I'm only 9 stone away from that, which I know is like the size of another person. But to someone like me it does not seem so impossible and so now I have come to one simple conclusion -
Eat a small breakfast before work. Then eat whatever presents itself to me at wok. Then come home and have nothing.
I say this since walking around and working, and walking to and from wok burns calories. Then if I eat nothing when I'm at home, I'm not consuming extra calories I dont need. Might sound easy, but the first day is always hard, Nd I'm having to resist pasta and cheese right now, reminding myself I had a large ho chocolate ith whipped cream and chocolate crumbs on at irk, plus chips plus half a giant shortbread. I Los had pancakes for breakfast, MORE than enough!
The main problem I think I will have is my sister. I know she knows about my disorder, but that does not matter, because I always feel she tries to make me fat, randomly placing biscuits and cake and chocolate in front of me, expecting me to gobble it up. Well. I'm not going to now. I want o prove to myself I can do this, and show everyone I can be thin. Maybe I'm getting worse, maybe I'm being strong. Either way, I have to do this.

My mood: pretty pissed